I got my iPhone!

I’m actually writing this on my iPhone. I’m sitting in my room and my MacBook is on, but I figured I’d give it a go. In short, it’s everything I hoped it could be. The software is nothing short of amazing: quick, fluid, and so smart it’s almost scary. “Prescience” isn’t a word one often associates with phones, but I think it’s justified here. I’m really only hitting the right letter maybe two-thirds of the time, and yet, almost without fail, it has automatically replaced my mistakes with the correct word; I need only press the space bar.

My Obsession with the iPhone

Slightly more than a year ago, I was in a somewhat similar position. I’d been eyeing Macs with unprecedented tech-lust and could not stop talking or thinking about them. Then I finally got one and the situation in no way improved. I’m passionate about my Mac. I love it and still talk about it all the time. I follow Apple news religiously, and stay on top of every rumor.

I own a first-generation iPod mini. It’s silver and hold four gigs of music. I do not carry it around with me. It’s a wonderful product, but it’s no longer right for me for everyday use. I’m no longer killing time between classes or while doing research in the library.

Of particular importance, I’m fanatical about things in my pockets. Notably, I hate to have things in them. I hate to feel my keys against my leg; it bothers me. When I go to work, I leave my phone in my car and my keys in my locker (which, incidentally, I don’t lock).

My music library is, at present, slightly more than 5 gigs, and growing. I also have a few gigs of TV shows, video podcasts, music videos, and the such. My poor mini can’t even hold all of my music, let alone do anything with my video. I considered getting a red 8 gig iPod nano late last year (an early Christmas present to myself), but persistent rumors of the iPhone persuaded me to wait. The Macworld conference was in January, and there was a good chance the iPhone just might make an appearance.

An iPhone, while perhaps not ideal for many people, is exactly the kind of product I want. Having as few things in my pockets as possible is of crucial importance to me. Furthermore, I want to be able to carry around my iTunes library with me. If I have ten minutes to kill while I get my car’s oil changed, I think it would be nice to be able to listen to my music. But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to carry around an iPod with me at all times, just in case I get the chance to listen to it. It’s a given that I’m going to have my phone with me, and I’m resigned to carrying it around whenever I’m out. The ability to combine the two devices into one is, for me, a monumental advantage.

Of course there’s also the fact that the iPhone is absolutely amazing. It’s ludicrously thin (again, crucial for me), sexy, and powerful. It’s a phone I can be proud to set on the table at a restaurant. (You didn’t think I’d leave it in my pocket, did you?) Moreover, I can really appreciate most of its features. The ability to carry around all of my photos (with a screen that can actually show them off), so that I can instantly show somebody pictures of my dog or makeshift raft? Brilliant. Built-in Google Maps with satellite images? Where were you when I got lost in downtown Dallas back in January? A really real web browser so I can look up inane facts on the go? Truly a blessing.

Admittedly there are some features I’m less concerned with. Visual Voicemail? I realize this is incredibly beneficial feature for some people, but I average substantially fewer than one voicemail per month. It’s a non-issue for me. Email? This one is so-so. I more or less never email anybody, and only my grandmother emails me. As a tool for person-to-person communication, email is totally irrelevant to my life, but I do still get plenty of emails I want. If someone sends me a message on MySpace (a site which while I mostly hate, I still, of course, use), I get an email notification. Invariably, I could get by with waiting until I got home to see the message; unlike some people I don’t go through MySpace withdrawals after half and hour. However, if I’m bored, I can see myself checking my email.

And then there’s text messaging. A few years ago, texting was already big in the rest of the developed world, but hadn’t really caught on here in the US. I was really into the idea of it, but I didn’t really have anybody to text with, because none of my friends were into it yet. I had AT&T Wireless back then, and text messages were free to receive and 10 cents to send. I signed up for text alerts from Yahoo! and stayed on top of breaking news throughout the day. But then Cingular bought AT&T Wireless. When I upgraded to a new phone and signed a new contract, I lost those free incoming texts. Every message cost 10 cents, or you could buy a text plan. In the end, I basically just gave up on texting. What can I say? I’m (selectively) cheap.

Things are different now. My friends and coworkers text like crazy. I participate only lightly, a few messages here and there. At the new 15 cent rate, I still average less than $1 a month on texts. But I’m ready for a change. Just as I’m resigned to carrying a phone in my pocket everywhere I go (except for while at work), I’m already resigned to paying substantially more every month for my cell phone bill. If I’m going to get a fancy phone with great support for texting and the internet, then I’m going to use it; damn the cost.

And back to my obsession. I talk about the iPhone constantly. Every single day. I listen for the slightest hint of a rumor about a new feature, service pricing, and the launch day. Everybody I know knows that I want one and plan on getting it the morning it comes out. A few days ago the month changed to June. “Do you know what month it is?” I asked people. “Um, June.” “Do you know what comes out later this month?” “Oh yeah, that phone you keep talking about.” It’s almost verbatim.

Steve Jobs’ Macworld keynote, in which he introduced the iPhone was not made available as a live, streaming video, but I followed along at two sites that had live updates with quotes, facts, and pictures. Then, a short while later, the video was put online. I downloaded it and have watched it again and again, sometimes just looking at my favorite parts. Surely this can’t be healthy, but I just want it so badly. The wait is killing me.

Finally, this evening, a new revelation: June 29. Apple finally announced a launch day, and they did it with three new TV ads, all of which are good, and two of which I really like a lot. I’m not so much into the calamari ad, probably in large part because I don’t eat seafood. “Never Been an iPod” is the best one, I think. I like the flow; it makes me not want the ad to end (that, and the pleasant music, used in all three).

And so ends what is unfortunately merely a partial exposition as to the extent of my iPhone obsession.

My 23rd Birthday

The 21st is the last glamorous birthday; after that they’re just regular birthdays. That said, I have a pretty good one.

My grandmother called to wish me a happy birthday at 7:30 this morning. Incidentally, today is also her birthday, so I returned the warm wishes. I finally got back to sleep around nine. My mom, planning on giving me more time to sleep, waited until 9:30 to call. That’s OK though.

I finally got out of bed and spent the first part of my day doing very little. I didn’t even get around to eating (a sandwich) until two. Chad got home at three and Jessica came over after she got off work, about an hour later. We all went to Olive Garden because I’ve been craving their salad for a couple of weeks. Then we went to the mall and bought our tickets for 300, the next showing of which was not for another hour and a half. We wondered around the mall, spending a great deal of time in a GameStop before meandering back to the theater to watch the movie. It was amazing, and a great way to spend my birthday. Then Chad and I watched some Futurama while I ate my leftovers from dinner (filled up on too much salad, as planned) and ice cream. And now I’m tired and ready to sleep. All in all, a fine day.

Why I Hate MySpace

Before I begin the rant, I should start positive. I’m very much into the “Web 2.0″ thing. Sure, there’s too much hype, but when done right it can be a wonderful thing. Flickr and YouTube do it perfectly. They make the “social web” easy. MySpace certainly qualifies for 2.0 status based on its social nature. It also has something very important going for it: critical mass. A site revolving completely around user-created content can’t survive if it doesn’t have any users, and MySpace certainly has that down, even if millions of its users are duplicate accounts and fake profiles created by porn sites.

My biggest complaint against MySpace is the complete lack of attention to the user interface, and I mean that on all levels. First there is the overall graphic design of the site, or lack thereof. Even the parts of the site not customizable by users are just horribly ugly. But it’s so much deeper than that. It’s not just a matter of negligent typography and a bad color scheme. The whole layout is remarkably unintuitive. Indeed, the entire user experience is just awful.

You go to a profile page and click on the link to see more pictures. You have to sign in. You just signed in half an hour ago? Who cares? Do it again. I understand security concerns, but on a computer that isn’t ever shared, shouldn’t I at least be able to stay signed in perpetually? It’s not like MySpace is a bank; nothing that bad can possibly happen. Just let me stay signed in and ask for my password only if I want to change some important account settings. That’s the sensible thing. Or, at the very least, don’t put adult ads on the sign-in page. That’s just good manners. (The real Web 2.0 way to do it would be an AJAX sign-in box that shows up in the page when needed, completely eliminating a separate sign-in page.) Also, frequently when I sign in after clicking a link to view profile pictures, I’m just taken straight to my profile page, and have to hit the back button to get where I want. Sloppy code.

Even though the official MySpace design elements are bad, the individual profile pages are indescribably worse. I remember, with embarrassment, back when I had a tacky Angelfire page. Unfortunately MySpace takes that level of tacky to entirely new levels. Gigantic (and busy) background images? Go for it. Just make sure you put your text in boxes with clear backgrounds, so you can easily see the page background. You want to read the text? Why bother? Bizarrely sized fonts rule the day, along with pale and/or neon colors. I mean, you’ve got a color screen, right? Black on white is so printing press. Also making a return from the Hellish nascent days of the web are animated GIFs, frequently with sparkly text and other garish delights.

But the worst offense, and one for which MySpace is directly responsible is auto-playing music. News flash: I’ve got iTunes running … all the time. I’m already listening to music, and I don’t want some other music to suddenly start playing and interrupting the selections from my carefully culled library. If I want to hear something I’ll hit “play.” Instead, I’m forced to search for “stop,” and I want to place emphasis on “search.” Due to the customizability of a user’s profile, elements can appear in seemingly random locations.

My last objection is one that has grown considerably in the past couple of months. Now, every time I visit MySpace, usually to delete spurious friend requests, I am deluged with even more requests. I get add requests from 18 or 19 year old “bisexual” females in the Dallas/Forth Worth Metroplex on a regular basis. I’ll visit MySpace, sign in, deny the requests, and promptly leave. Shortly later, I’ll have a half-dozen requests. I especially love when I see multiple profiles with the same picture, and very different stats.

Observations on My Conversion to Mac Zealot, or Success of the “iPod Halo”

Mac users are known for being a bit, well, fanatical. I’ll admit that back in the day, I bashed Macs for a hideous OS, but those were the days before OS X. I never really gave much thought to Macs until fairly recently.

In March of 2004 I got a new Sony Vaio notebook computer, and I was thrilled with it. True, it was a bit heavy (7.3 lb.*), and battery life was nothing to write home about, but it had a 15.4″ screen and a reasonably powerful desktop processor (2.8 GHz P4). Back in those days, I was living at home with my parents and going to UT Tyler. We still couldn’t get DSL at home (the dreaded “last mile” problem, which in our case was like 5 miles), so I would occasionally bring my Vaio with me to school and use the freely available wifi, especially when I wanted to download anything big.

Seduced by broadband, I downloaded iTunes and bought my first song, Britney Spears’s “Toxic.” But what does iTunes desperately want to sync with? An iPod of course, and so that fall, I bought a 4 GB silver iPod mini. Oh glory be! Using iTunes was a breeze, and a huge improvement over Windows Media Player. Indeed, everything “just worked.” But you know what iTunes and an iPod really want? That’s right, a Mac. Sure, a Vaio looks inestimably cooler than before with an iPod plugged into one of its USB ports, but when you plug an iPod into a Mac, you get the synergy of sexiness.

I had long admired Apple’s website, a marvel of clean and thoughtful design. I began to spend a little more time there.

I think the breaking point was the introduction of the iPod nano. No, I didn’t buy one, and am still using my two year old mini, but I did watch Steve Jobs introduce it in his keynote address. The man is a marketing genius. When he pulled that “impossibly small” nano out of his coin pocket! I had already read about it and seen it on Apple’s site, but the showmanship was just incredible. I started watching the other keynotes available on Apple’s site.

But the Apple bug still hadn’t truly bitten me yet. Perhaps I had ventured a little further into the forest than planned, but I could still see the forest edge, and world of Windows in which I had been raised. Then I watched the introduction of the new Intel iMac, with the built in iSight cam, FrontRow, and the remote control. That was pretty sweet, but I’m a notebook kind of guy. I want to take my computer with me, even if it’s just to my living room.

Then came the announcement of the MacBook Pro. Hmm. Notebooks just don’t get sexier than that. I think it was at this point that I decided my next computer would be a Mac. I figured that day was still safely off in the future. I certainly couldn’t afford (or justify) a computer that starts at $1,999. And besides, I still had a quite capable computer. Sure it was two years old, and maybe it had a bit of a heft, but the specs were still quite acceptable.

Regardless, I started to research OS X more in depth. I spent hours at a time on Apple’s site. I read and re-read about features. I watched video clips and demonstrations. Every time I discovered a cool new feature I excitedly told my brother about it, who showed no interest. In the first few months of this year I subjected him to hours and hours of Mac trivia, tips, and features.

Suddenly the rumor sites were discussing the successor to the iBook, presumably called simply “MacBook.” The speculation still pointed to something a little out of my reach, financially. Apple surely wouldn’t want to cannibalize sales of the MacBook Pro, and there’s no way I’m ever going to buy a bottom-of-the-line machine, even if it is on a higher level. But then, quietly, in a press release of all things, Apple introduced the MacBook, on a Tuesday. The prices were about what I expected but the specs were much higher. On the same day, they also bumped up the specs on the MacBook Pro. Still, the MacBook represented an amazing value.
On that Thursday, I finally talked myself into buying one (with a little cajoling by my brother, who knew I wouldn’t shut up until I had one). And now I’m the proud owner of a 2 GHz Core Duo MacBook with 1 GB RAM and an 80 GB hard drive.
But where’s the zealotry? At work. My brother wasn’t the only one to hear me raving incessantly. Poor coworkers heard about (almost) every feature and rumor too. I talked at length about Macs, and that was before I had one. When I finally ordered mine, I made sure everybody knew. Then was the glorious day that it came! I had even more to talk about.

All Macs come with Apple stickers. I’ve now got their logo plastered on my car’s back glass. I still, months later, talk about my Mac all the time. Today I decided to contribute to our break room’s aged supply of magazines. What did I bring? MacWorld of course (in addition to a Nintendo Power among others). While eating my lunch today at the break room table, I evangelized faithfully: “Vista? Tiger’s already better than Vista will be, whenever it finally comes out, by which time Leopard will be out, which is even more advanced than Tiger.” That sentence then required a couple of minutes of explanation. It seems not everybody knows the big cat nomenclature of OS X like I do.

* In the second paragraph of this post I said my Vaio weighed 7.3 lb. On my MacBook, I have a PDF of the spec sheet for my Vaio (don’t ask why). Using Spotlight, I was able to immediately pull up that spec sheet to find the exact weight.

I Bought a MacBook

I’m excited, nervous, nauseated, giddy, and impatient. For months I’ve been talking about wanting a Mac. I’ve thought about it constantly. I’ve salivated over them; I’ve spent countless hours reading about them, looking at pictures, watching Steve Jobs’s keynote addresses. I’ve talked about them to all of my co-workers. I’ve told friends about the latest releases (and there have been many with the move to Intel processors). My brother, poor Chad, has had to listem to me incessantly for these past several months. I’ve been telling him about them literally every single day. I tell him features, keyboard shortcuts, technical specifications; I’ve gone mad. He’s long been a Mac-basher, but he’s been telling me lately to just buy it. Though I think it’s mainly to get me to shut up, I think he’s intrigued.

I’ve had to wait, however. The first of the new line was the iMac, but I definitely want a notebook computer. Having acquired my current computer March ’04 (a Sony Vaio), I can’t imagine going back to the stationary detention of a desktop. I like to be online in the living room, on the porch, or in my bed, not to mention the ability to take my computer with me to places. This, incidentally, brings up another problem: my current computer is not in need of replacement. Indeed, it has a 2.8GHz Pentium 4 and, as a Christmas present, was upgraded to a gig of RAM. Those stats mean it’s still more powerful than most notebooks advertised today. How can I justify a new computer purchase when my current one is so capable? It’s hard, but OS X is vastly superior, and Macs are gorgeous.

So a few months ago Apple comes out with the MacBook Pro. Alas, it starts at $1,999. There is absolutely no way I can justify that. And so I waited. If that’s the Pro, where’s the regular MacBook? Why it came out on Tuesday. Rumors had abounded in the last couple of weeks about it. The announcement was a dream come true. The MacBook was better priced and had higher specs than I expected. Suddenly there was a configuration available that I could actually afford, sort of anyway.

And so, I finally relented. The process itself took quite a while. I added it to my cart hours ago, then saved the cart. Half an hour ago I logged into my bank account and looked over my funds again. Then I pulled up the cart again, and re-confirmed the selection. Apple already has my credit card # from my iTunes account. As confirmation, I had to put in my security code from my card, so I put it in, and shut my computer’s lid. Then a couple of minutes later, I opened it back up. I still wasn’t totally commited to buying it. I moved the cursor over the “Place Order” button, then waited some more. Finally I pressed it. AHHH! A full re-telling of this story must be done in person to accurately convey my hyperventilation, shakiness, and generally shock. That’s a lot of money. A lot.
Anyway, here is what I actually bought, copied directly from my order confirmation page:

MacBook 2.0GHz Intel Core Duo – White
Part Number: Z0D5
SuperDrive (DVD±RW/CD-RW)
Keyboard/Mac OS – U.S. English
2.0GHz Intel Core Duo
80GB Serial ATA drive
1GB 667 DDR2 SDRAM – 2×512

I chose to upgrade the RAM to one gig (anything less is absurd) and also decided to upgrade the hard drive to 80 gigs from 60. My current computer has 40 and I’ve determined that to be hopelessly inadequate.

Get a Mac

Apple has created a new ad campaign that replaces its “Switch” campaign. Now they have commercials with Justin Long (Jeepers Creepers, Dodgeball, and Herbie: Fully Loaded) and some guy who looks vaguely like Bill Gates. The campaign site, apple.com/getamac lists 14 reasons to get a mac, plus has another six pages that cover possible concerns, such as compatibility. You can also watch the six TV commercials (in gorgeous QuickTime, of course).

I want a Mac so badly. I think this is a well-done campaign and if I weren’t already a convert-to-be (pending $$$), this would make me one. As it is, I’ve begun spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about Macs. I talk about them all the time; I read about them all the time. Can owning one live up to my expectations? I think so.

Alas, Apple products always carry a premium. Are they worth it? Absolutely. Does that mean I can afford them? Sadly no. I would love to have a new 15.4″ MacBook Pro with a 2 GHz Intel Core Duo processor. Do I have $2,500 to spend on something I don’t need? Not on my salary.

The good news is school is almost out. That means it’s time for back to school stuff to start coming out. This certainly includes an Intel-powered successor to the iBook, presumably called simply the MacBook. If I could get a 14″ model with a Core Duo processor at, say, 1.66 GHz for only $1,499, I might actually be able to afford that.

My biggest problem is that I don’t actually need a new computer. I’ve already got a Sony Vaio notebook computer that’s barely more than two years old. It has a 2.8 GHz Pentium 4 and a gig of RAM. It’s not quite “bleeding edge” but I think it’s at least a paper-cut worth of blood. It’s hard to justify a new computer purchase when my current one is just fine (at least by PC standards). In short, I’ll have to run into some serious bank if I’m going to be getting a Mac this year.

As an added bonus, I should point out that Apple has used the phrase “Get a Mac” before. It’s the title of this 1995 commercial, which is pretty funny: live.watchmactv.com/?p=60

Hypocrisy in the Prioress’s Tale

Through her words and actions, the prioress of Chaucer’s Prioress’s Tale makes it plainly evident that she is a hypocrite who does not understand her own religion. The prioress’s misconceptions about her own religion lead to an illogical condemnation of Jews, a people who could scarcely be found in England in Chaucer’s period. Her insecurities regarding her sex and confidence in the validity of her faith and also her close-mindedness prevent her from gaining any sort of meaningful knowledge of other religions and peoples. Instead, she tries to spread her bigotry and willful ignorance with an inflammatory version of a tale common in the 14th century. Her tale seeks to elevate Christian women, such as herself, by constant invocations to Mary and the denigration of Jews. Tearing down another group makes hers seem, by comparison, better. To that end, she spews vitriolic anti-Semitism in her ridiculously macabre tale.

To ensure outrage at the murder to come, and to set up her tale, the prioress first must establish the victim as a wholly sympathetic character. While no one doubts the boy’s innocence, the prioress goes to almost comic (and satirical?) lengths to also establish his near inhuman virtue. After learning that the Alma Redemptoris is about Mary, whom the boy and prioress both venerate with obsession, he declares:

“Now certes, I wol do my diligence
To conne it al, er Cristemasse be went.
Though that I for my prymer shal be shent,
And shal be beten thryes in an houre,
I wol it conne, oure Lady for to honoure.” (105–109)

This sort of dedication may be expected from a member of a religious order, such as the prioress, who clearly approves of such a sacrifice. Indeed, the boy’s willingness to suffer multiple beatings for failure to study his primer could even be described as self-flagellation. The problem is that this boy is only seven years old. No amount of indoctrination is going to make a child that young eagerly accept physical abuse in exchange for the opportunity to memorize “by rote” (88) a song. He is not even going to truly study the song and its depths. How could he? He learned of the song by hearing other boys singing it. His peers, even the older ones, have only a superficial understanding of the prayers. So, too, does the prioress. Later on, the boy survives, temporarily at least, a vicious attack. The boy explains to an abbot that “for the worship of his moder dere / Yet may I singe O Alma laude and clere” (220–221). Does it matter that he lacks all meaningful comprehension of the prayer? Not according to the prioress. He can mimic the sounds of the prayer and he worships Mary. That is more than sufficient for her. She doesn’t understand the prayer much better than he does; by her standard, he has done all that he needs to. After all, “in Chaucer’s day you were ignorant, or mad, or demonic to think that God did not exist, or could be anything other than the ultimate reality” (Besserman, 60). The laity did not need to spend much time contemplating metaphysics and ethics. However, a religion that lasts requires a careful and thorough examination of its fundamentals. Incoherent mysticism can gain an ephemeral following, but for a religion to survive a millennium, smart people must dedicate time and energy to the development of cohesive, internally consistent theological concepts and tenets. The prioress fails to comprehend the complexities of Catholicism. She reduces Christian virtue to rote memory of prayers. While such memory work is at least valuable in a Christian context, it is not fundamental to the religion. But, the prioress is not concerned so much with the adherence to legitimate Christian principles but rather to the institution of the Catholic Church, of which she is a part. Her insecurities about her beliefs, a result of not thinking them over, result in her desperate need to cling to the institution. This explains her position as a prioress. She lives in her own cloistered world, leading a group of nuns who do not bother her with provocative or critical questions about the nature their religion. She is a shepherd so engrossed with the affairs of her own flock that she is incapable of understanding outsiders of any sort. Thus, the attack against the boy receives a sudden, too-broad and ultimately unthinking reaction in the tale.

The prioress goes further than mere childhood innocence; she makes the boy Christ-like. She calls the Jews the “cursed folk of Herodes” (140). This not-so-subtle epithet invokes the Biblical account of Christ’s birth and his escape from the infamous order by Herod to slay all the baby boys. The boy in this tale also suffers an untimely death for his Christianity, but at a much earlier age than Jesus. Nevertheless, the parallel between the two is still clearly present, fixed in the minds of the audience. The song itself also conjures associations between the boy and Christ. It was commonly sung during the Boy Bishop rituals, popular in England at the time, which coincided with the Mass of Holy Innocents. “In the Middle Ages, the Holy Innocents were traditionally understood as types of Christ, who was himself in turn often represented in late medieval religious writing and drama as a sacrificial child” (Patterson, 510). Thus, the boy’s Christian goodness is magnified to that of the ultimate exemplar, Christ Himself.

Having elevated the sacrificial victim to a quasi-divine status, the prioress continues her over-the-top tale by vilifying the Jews. She gives the setting as Asia Minor, a Muslim area. In the Middle Ages, Judaism and Islam were often conflated by the Christians of Western Europe. Both groups have darker skin and write using alphabets different from the Roman alphabet. To many of the less than well-traveled people of medieval England, the differences between Judaism and Islam were minor and, more importantly, irrelevant. After all, if Christianity is true, then other religions are necessarily false—at least in the popular view. The special status of the Jews, God’s “chosen people,” within a Christian culture was largely overlooked in the Middle Ages. The particular region she describes is ruled by a Christian, but with a Jewish quarter, sustained by the lord of that country “For foule usure and lucre of vileynye, / Hateful to Crist and to his compaignye” (57–58). Medieval Catholic teachings forbade Christians from usury, but that did not mean the practice disappeared. Economic enterprise requires the lending of money—and people tend to be unwilling to lend money without any sort of benefit. In short, usury is a vital component of a healthy economy. The Church condemned a requirement of the society that sustained it. To have it both ways, they simply let Jews become the bankers. According to the prioress, this makes the Jews “hateful to Crist.” This is blatant hypocrisy. The Christians condemned Jews for taking up a profession that they were simply unwilling to do themselves. This snap-judgment further reveals the Prioress’s own simplistic world-view. She uses inappropriate absolutes to describe religiosity: Christians are good; Jews are evil. What is not evident here is any attempt to understand Judaism or even Christ’s own comments regarding the Jews. She shuts out the Jews, immediately dismissing them as evil. In so doing, she destroys any possibility of gaining new insight into the religion from which hers derived.

The prioress seeks to further validate her anti-Semitic views by associating Jews with Satan. As the boy sings Alma Redemptoris through the Jewish quarter, Satan whispers into the Jew’s ears. Evidently, Jews are close friends, or at least loyal subjects, of Satan. Indeed, the dark lord “hath in Jewes herte his wasps nest” (125). This is demeaning on several levels. Not only is there the obvious association with Satan himself, but apparently the very hearts of Jews are empty, sub-human shells. Love may dwell in Christian hearts, but Jews have only a wasp’s nest. Satan goes on to admonish the Jews for allowing the boy to sing his prayer against “oure lawes” (130). This is an inflammatory creation on the part of the prioress. The “oure” is slightly problematic; some lesser manuscripts read “youre.” Either Satan is the lord of the Jews or he at least functions as a protector of their laws. In either case, the implications are the same. Jewish law, as conceived of by the prioress, is violently anti-Christian. By creating this falsehood of mutual antipathy, she can better justify her own rabid anti-Semitism.

All of the evils in this tale stem from a lack of knowledge, or misinformation. Bad information ultimately stems from bad epistemology. Neither the prioress, nor any character in her stories, exhibits an understanding as to how to obtain legitimate, truthful knowledge—the kind from which progress flows. As a substitute for real knowledge, rationally ascertained and disseminated, the prioress relies on the emotional response of the audience to physical gore. Acting on direct orders from none other than Satan, the Jews conspired to kill the boy. They hired a murderer who grabs the boy on his way home from school and “kitte his throte, and in a pit him caste” (137). This highly sensational murder is told to incite a purely emotional reaction. There is nothing wrong with emotions, per se. Emotions serve as an automatic manifestation of our most sincere and innate values. However, they are not infallible. A misidentification of how a specific action applies to our values, or even of the values themselves, can result in the wrong emotional response. Emotions wield a strong power over us, but we are still fundamentally rational beings and we need not act on our emotions when reason tells us otherwise.

After the throat slitting, the tale quickly turns even more macabre and disturbing. The boy’s mother finds him and he sings the prayer loudly. Through divine intervention, he is able to overcome physical limitations. He tells the people, “Me thoghte she leyde a greyn upon my tonge” (228). The act of Mary extending the life of a fatally injured boy is theologically complex. How can someone live with a slit throat? How can that person sing? The “greyn” has no direct, logical connection to its effect. It is not a bandage or ointment. The “greyn” is not even placed that close to the wound. So what is the “greyn”? Communion wafers are placed on top of the tongue by the clergy in the Catholic Church. This “greyn” could be a literal grain or seed, or it could be a metonymy for a communion wafer. The prioress, despite her position of religious authority, operates on a very simplistic level regarding religion, just like the boy. She needs a concrete object present. The same principle applies to the sale of absolutions by a pardoner. It is too abstract to just say that by God’s grace the boy was allowed to stay alive a little longer. There are actually several layers, each progressively more concrete. God is highly abstract, Jesus less so. Mary, who is just a human being, is even more concrete. But even that is not enough. The prioress needs something she can touch. It is highly unlikely that the prioress fully grasps the concept of transubstantiation, but she clearly appreciates religious rituals. She advocates going through with the rituals, such as prayer, even if the person performing the ritual has absolutely no idea what it all really means. Her need for visuals to convey knowledge carries over into the discomforting violence of the final dozen stanzas. Not only is there the violent crime against the boy, and his supernatural singing, but also the retributive justice and dirge by the public and the boy’s mother over his death.

This odious murder of the little boy incites barbarous violence against the Jews. The prioress attempts to justify the wholesale execution of a large number of people through their tenuous complicity in the heinous crime. The local magistrate gathers up the Jews, declaring:

“Yvel shal have that yvel wol deserve:”
Therfore with wilde hors he dide hem drawe,
And after that he heng hem by the lawe. (198–200)

The offending Jews are not only drawn by horses, but also hanged. More importantly, all of this is done in accordance with the law. The prioress already established that this region had a Christian ruler. It follows that the laws and punishments should reflect this Christian background. Christian theology is ostensibly based on love, which when consistently applied should not promote murder. Christ taught his subjects to “turn the other cheek” and love their “brothers.” The prioress, in being both a woman and more specifically a nun, might reasonably be expected to be a pacifist. She is not; the outraged populace in her tale wants vengeance and they get it. A calm, reasoned approach to the murder (if such a thing is possible), would be to methodically determine whom to blame. With guilt established, perhaps even a Christian argument could be made to justify execution of those involved. Instead, the entire group is mercilessly slaughtered. What follows is treacle displays of mourning for the murdered boy, then a stanza of pure hypocrisy. The prioress offers a final prayer emphasizing, of all things, mercy: “That, of his mercy, God so merciable / On us his grete mercy multiplye” (254–255). In only two lines, “mercy” appears three times. In one respect, the prioress is finally getting something right: Christianity does indeed teach mercy. However, they just had an opportunity to show mercy to the Jews, or at least humanity. Instead, they brutally murdered them. Once again, she is able to express the Christian ideas without even beginning to grasp what they mean. A request for mercy is not a meaningless string of words offered because social institutions say it’s the right time. It is a profound statement of humility before a person whose powers exceed your own or, in this case, before God Himself.

The Prioress’s Tale is one of brazen self-righteousness, gross ignorance of other cultures and religions. The title character is hopelessly solipsistic with no ability to look beyond her own carefully constructed fantasy world. As a result, she ends up blindly advocating a host of evils and lesser wrongs.

Bibliography
Besserman, Lawrence. “Ideology, Antisemitism, and Chaucer’s Prioress’s Tale.” The Chaucer Review 36.1 (2001) 48-72
Patterson, Lee. “‘The Living Witnesses of Our Redemption’: Martyrdom and Imitation in Chaucer’s Prioress’s Tale.” Journal of Medieval and Early Modern Studies 31.3 (2001) 507-560.

The French Attack on Apple

A Reuters article reveals that the French are after Apple for its closed, proprietary system. The proposed law would make it legal to crack digital rights management schemes to enable conversion from one format to another.

The merits of an open format for music purchased from iTunes is certainly worthy of discussion. However, that decision rests exclusively with Apple, which alone has the moral right to decided on what terms it will sell its products.

The law also provides new fines for piracy. According to the article, “Vanneste said the draft law aimed to fight piracy, encourage the development of the online digital music market in France and benefit legal online music retailers.” This is the part that really grabs my attention. “Benefit legal online music retailers”? Who is the biggest of these? Well it’s iTunes, of course. How can a law targeted at iTunes benefit iTunes?

Moreover, who exactly is the beneficiary of legalizing DRM cracking? The most popular by far online music store (iTunes) is fully compatible with the by far most popular music player (iPod). Indeed, the seemless integration is part of Apple’s success. Apple sells them as an integrated solution.

Furthermore, iTunes is not itself a profitable venture for Apple. After giving the record companies their 70% share, and covering the myriad costs of actually storing over one million songs and serving over one billion downloads, plus various other costs, iTunes just beats breaking even. The iTunes store exist for the sole purpose of driving iPod sales (where Apple makes a very handsome profit). Those iPod sales are also helping drive computer sales, which are likewise profitable.

Again, I get back to the theme of Apple’s integration of its hardware, software, and services. It’s a beautiful system that has made the company worth more than Sony (based on market capitalization). France is meddling with this system, and it has no right to. Thankfully, Apple seems likely to show more backbone than most businesses, and may very well withdraw iTunes from France, to the detriment of the French people. If you cannot accept the terms of a sale, you simply decline. The French people are free to buy their music from other sources, but if they want to use iTunes, they must adhere to the license they agreed to when they signed up.

Here’s an excerpt from the iTunes France terms of service:

Vous comprenez que le Service, de même que les produits achetés via le Service, tels que des enregistrements sonores, des vidéos et les illustrations qui leur sont associées (“Produits”), met en œuvre un système de sécurité reposant sur une technologie qui protège les informations numériques et limite votre utilisation des Produits à certaines règles d’utilisation établies par iTunes et ses concédants de licences (“Règles d’Utilisation”). Vous acceptez de vous conformer à ces Règles d’Utilisation, telles qu’exprimées ci-après, et vous vous engagez à ne pas enfreindre ni tenter d’enfreindre aucun élément de sécurité. Vous vous engagez à ne pas essayer (ni aider une autre personne) de contourner, accéder au code source, décompiler, désassembler, ou d’interférer de quelque façon que ce soit sur les éléments de sécurité liés à ces Règles d’Utilisation, pour quelque motif que ce soit.

And here’s the same excerpt from the US iTunes terms of service, which has the exact same stipulations:

You understand that the Service, and products purchased through the Service, such as sound recordings, videos and related artwork (“Products”), include a security framework using technology that protects digital information and limits your usage of Products to certain usage rules established by Apple and its licensors (“Usage Rules”). You agree to comply with such Usage Rules, as further outlined below, and you agree not to violate or attempt to violate any security components. You agree not to attempt to, or assist another person to, circumvent, reverse-engineer, decompile, disassemble, or otherwise tamper with any of the security components related to such Usage Rules for any reason whatsoever.

Who Elects Terrorists?

The Bloomberg headline, “Hamas Refuses to Recognize Israel After Moscow Talks” reveals the absurdity of the entire Palestinian movement. Hamas is a terrorist organization, recently elected as the goverment of the Palestinian Authority. Israel is a real state. It has a stable government and, more importantly, protects individual rights. As a result, it is fairly affluent. “Palestine” is utterly destitute. Individual rights, such as property rights, are not respected, and the region lives off donations from the West. The political organization Hamas now controls is like a mosquito: small, parasitic, and ultimately ephemeral. And yet it has the audacity to refuse to even recognize Israel. It’s mind-blowing.

The article tells us that “Putin last month invited Hamas to visit Moscow and said the international community should recognize the Palestinians’ choice of Hamas to lead their next government.” Indeed, the Palestinians freely chose a terrorist organization to lead it. What does this tell us about the legitimacy of Palestine? What about the “innocence” of the Palestinian people? I’m not saying that all Palestinians are evil and deserve to die. I am, however, saying that everyone who voted for Hamas is evil.

Israel should not allow this charade to continue. It ought to unilaterally destroy the Palestinian Authority. It should loudly proclaim its moral right to exist, and to aggressively defend itself against those who seek its destruction.